I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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