she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
