you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think i have two assholes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
