did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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