Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
