YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
