Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
