I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
