Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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