I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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