How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
