I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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