is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
