I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
