so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
