You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
