I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
