hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
