Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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