just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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