They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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