i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just had sex on a roof
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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