Someone shit on the floor
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
