did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize