So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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