I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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