Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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