so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize