Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
