If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
