I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
