Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
