Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
