there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize