Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
