When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
no you cant smoke seaweed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
