I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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