there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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