You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
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I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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