I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
