OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
