I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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