the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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