check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
