she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
