Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
