She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
