hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
