I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
