Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
