my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
