If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
