He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
