he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
