Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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