That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
