Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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