His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
