You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
