Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
