I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
