Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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