Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
