wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
