dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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